Some nights I miss my wife more than usual, especially this time of year.
Often, no matter the hustle and bustle of our lives, she would insist we put the world aside, uncork a bottle of wine, snuggle, and talk. Often on our patio, at times the sofa, and if we were lucky it was up at the lake. I miss those times as we’d discuss life, dissect our needs and dreams, and feel our concerns dissipate in our glasses emptied.
So tonight I uncorked a bottle, poured myself a glass, and decided to try and have a similar discussion. The only one I could find to join me was my wine glass. Not the same, I said OK. Plus you know the old saying ‘In Vino Veritas’!
So fill your glass and listen in:
Me: ‘So, why do I miss her so much today?’
Wine Glass: Her birthday and your anniversary are fast approaching, no? However, correct me if I’m wrong, but it stated with the music, didn’t it? You love leaving your iTunes on shuffle and tonight it mixed a set that hit you ‘right in the feels’, as they say. First Three Dog Night sang ‘Til the World Ends’. Then the Apple gods thought it best to have Crosby, Stills, and Nash sing ‘Lady of the Island’. If that wasn’t enough, it followed immediately with, of all things, the Toccata by Widor, which was the recessional at your wedding. I guess I’m not surprised I felt some tears falling into me.
Me: ‘I wonder if it’s best for me to be drinking wine when I’m already melancholy?’
Wine Glass: ‘What are you going to drink? Wine’s the one drink she taught you to appreciate, Scott. You might have introduced her to vodka gimlets and later Corona, but remember she introduced you to the fact wine could be more than Ripple and Mad Dog 20-20! You loved her Nonno’s homemade Dago Red he made in his basement with grapes sent to him by Cesare and Rosa Mondavi. Plus she was the one who bought that first bottle of Merlot back in the mid-eighties you both fell in love with. You know wine fits perfectly with a night like this.
Me: ‘OK, but if I miss her so much, why did I open a Cab rather than her beloved Merlot?’
Wine Glass: Because you’re a sucker when it comes to seeing a bottle with the words ‘Napa Valley’, ‘Cabernet Sauvignon’, and ‘2009’ on the label. Oh, and top it off with it being from the dusts of Rutherford and you’re worse than your grandsons going after the bacon at breakfast! You know you can’t drink a glass without being awash in all the wonderful memories you have of her! Your travels together, the parties, and the time she asked you to steal her a cluster of grapes from a roadside vine in Napa when you got chased all the way back to the car, but still managed to bring her a cluster. What could be better than wine and memories? Far better than on the rocks, right?
Me: ‘Pardon me for a moment. I need to put some of these memories back away.’
Wine Glass: The hell you say! When did the two of you ever have wine and not talk, share wishes, dream, tell stories, and more? Don’t ever put your memories away! Relish and embrace ‘em! Remember that one New Year’s Eve, when wine glass and bottle in hand, she went to a table of unknown folks and told a very ribald joke just to see if she could make ‘stuffy Country Club strangers’ laugh. Remember how they all howled at her joke? Remember how proud she was of herself? Remember how her father called the next day? He was testifying as an expert witness in a huge case in Federal Court and he wanted to tell her the Judge interrupted him to ask if it was his daughter who told him that joke at his table on New Year’s Eve!
Me: ‘OK, I promise I won’t forget, but some of my memories made me sad’.
Wine Glass: Look pal, you loved her intensely. You knew her for 43 years and were married for 41 of those. A person can only grieve in direct proportion to how much they loved. Your grief is huge because you loved her just as much. It’s why you have the reminders of her around. Why on God’s green earth would you ever want to not have her still around you? She taught you more than anyone else in your life, raised you up out of the mire you were in when you met, and gave immensely of herself to help you be the best person you could be. In a way she is you.
Me: ‘Sigh…I guess you’re right.’
Wine Glass: You guess? You guess? Of course I’m right! In Vino Veritas!
